Getting Cozy with Your Finances: A Gentle Guide to Money Confidence
This calming waterfall might not invoke the same emotions for many as thinking about money does. Photo by Steven Watson on Unsplash
The image above could possibly represent the opposite feeling of what comes to mind when you think of finances or money. For most of us, finances are a tough topic. Merely seeing an envelope sitting in the mailbox that looks like it contains a bill can cause physical signs of anxiety in our bodies – our heart rates begin to speed up, our mind wanders to what cost is contained in this small object and spirals into thinking about the balance in our bank account, and what might need to be sacrificed to pay the amount shown.
According to a 2024 survey on financial stress and mental health by Motley Fool Money, over 50% of the respondents reported experiencing financial anxiety three or more days a week. Financial anxiety can be defined as anxiety which results from financial events that cause feelings of worry and trigger a physiological stress response. And if you're experiencing this anxiety three or more times a week, as the survey discovered, this can elevate to chronic financial anxiety.
The topic of finance has historically been something I've not enjoyed diving into, and sometimes would do anything I could to avoid. I can say with confidence that it's not a good approach nor one I would recommend. And once I gained the courage to get up close and personal with my finances, they started to change from the monster under my bed to something more familiar. I'm not saying we're best friends, but we can be in the same room together.
Here's what I want you to know: your financial story isn't broken, and you don't need fixing. You need gentle tools, honest conversations with yourself, and permission to approach money as part of your overall wellness - because that's exactly what it is.
What I've learned is that money isn't just numbers on a screen - it's energy. It's a tool that either flows freely through your life or gets stuck, creating tension and anxiety. When we think about wellness holistically, exploring aspects of our life that can cause physiological impacts to our bodies, minds, and our whole selves, finances fit that definition perfectly.
I'd like to invite you to explore the interconnected relationship between money, body, and mind, as well as some ways to develop a deeper familiarity with the financial aspects of your life – ways to get cozy with how money shows up in your life. This isn't about finding the perfect financial plan or complex strategies, but about creating an imperfect balance that actually works for your life through gentle awareness and integration.
Creating Safety
I want to take a moment before we begin this journey to acknowledge that this work is very personal, intimate, and can bring up heavy and difficult feelings. While these are completely normal, it is possible that this moment is not the best time for this work. If that's the case, that's also okay. Perhaps bookmark this article, or make a note in a calendar to check back in a week or whatever feels good.
Give yourself permission to go slow, take breaks, or stop if you're overwhelmed. Having support systems and boundaries in place can help. Some tools in my self-care toolkit that I leverage when doing heavy inner work include:
Taking pauses, sometimes even setting a timer, to check in with my anxiety level. If I'm uncomfortable, it's a sign to take a break and pick this up again later.
Creating a comfortable space. This work can be anxiety-inducing enough; making the space around you calm and serene helps limit external stressors.
Having a safe person to reach out to if needed – that person you can vent anything to.
Box breathing helps me personally regulate my body in moments of stress.
Pause and Breathe
If you’re feeling anxious right now, try breathing in for 4 counts, holding for 4, breathing out for 4, and holding for 4. Repeat 3 times.
I'd also like to note that I am not a financial expert or planner, and any specifics regarding your finances are best discussed with a financial professional, such as a Certified Public Accountant (CPA) or a Certified Financial Planner (CFP). And if you experience any extreme anxiety or are wondering if this is a good time in your life to dive into this topic, you may want to reach out to your professional support network such as a therapist or counselor.
The following content will explore gentle ways to begin getting cozier with your finances and help level up your financial wellness.
Understanding Your Wellness Wheel
Your wellness wheel likely doesn’t reflect a perfect balance, and that’s okay
When your financial wellness improves, everything else gets easier. You sleep better when you're not lying awake worrying about bills. Your relationships improve when money conversations aren't landmines. You have more creative energy when you're not constantly stressed about finances. The ripple effects of financial peace touch every area of your life.
This is why I approach financial wellness as part of a holistic picture. Your money story affects your physical health, your relationships, your career confidence, and your ability to show up fully in your life. When we stop treating finances as separate from wellness and start seeing them as interconnected, real transformation becomes possible.
Befriending the Numbers
You might recall moments when you just couldn't bring yourself to look at the numbers, whether it was your checking account, credit card statement, or retirement fund. Maybe you always assumed it either sucked or was completely fine, and things were how they were. And you might have stories that you tell yourself, like I sometimes still do:
"I get paid what I get paid and things cost what they cost. There's nothing I can do about it."
"How would I even be able to tell if I am on the right track towards retirement. I have no clue how much I'd need or what I want my life to be like."
"Looking at my statements will just give me anxiety. I don't want that."
A 2024 survey by MarketWatch uncovered that as many as 42% of Americans avoid looking at their checking account balance. You're not alone in this avoidance.
Permission Slip
It’s okay if your numbers aren’t perfect. It’s okay if they’re messy. It’s okay if they’re not where you want them to be. The numbers are just information, not a judgment of your worth.
Sometimes the best place to start is to start small – just log into those banking apps and look at them. Try to look at them without judgment. Notice what feelings arise or shift. Does your breathing speed up? Your heart rate? Does your body become tense? Perhaps you're surprised that it's not as bad as you'd imagined in your head.
Here's what I've discovered: until you actually look at your finances, the stories you are telling yourself are just stories. There is a possibility that the reality is either better than you feared or at least more manageable than the scary unknown your mind created.
Instead of telling yourself "I'm terrible with money," try this reframe: "I'm learning to care for myself financially." This single shift can transform how you approach every financial decision. You're not broken, just learning.
Rewriting Your Money Story
How can you understand and/or redefine your relationship with money? Photo by Thom Holmes on Unsplash
Speaking of stories, another way to become more comfortable with your finances is to really spend time sitting with them and allowing yourself to feel all the emotions that arise and stories you tell yourself or have told yourself in the past.
"People have become so indoctrinated with the idea that having money is important, that they no longer question why. They are unaware that perhaps what they are truly seeking is an increase in self-respect, or security, or freedom, or love, or power." – Goldberg and Lewis
Belief systems about finances are often passed down from generation to generation. Whether it was lack of healthy conversations about money, guilt related to spending, or even the perspective that money isn't something that has to be worried about, these beliefs often impact how we initially shape our own relationships with money.
This is where we get to do some beautiful work of redefining what financial success means to you. Maybe it's not about having the most money - maybe it's about having enough to feel peaceful. Maybe success means being able to sleep well at night, or having honest conversations with your partner, or feeling confident making financial decisions. Financial success can include peace and wellbeing, not just numbers in accounts.
When This Feels Hard
If exploring your money story brings up difficult emotions, that's normal. Take breaks, breathe deeply, and remember - you're not trying to fix anything right now, just understand it. Healing happens in gentle awareness, not harsh judgment.
Exploring financial relationships through journaling is an activity I work through with clients so I wanted to share some journaling prompts here that might be useful in your own financial wellness explorations. Feel free to grab your favorite journal or journaling tool, the perfect pens, and cozy up. The prompts below can be used individually, in conjunction with, or any combination of that.
What stories do you tell yourself about money or your own financial situation? What stories were you told or were demonstrated to you growing up?
How do you currently feel about your financial wellness? How would you rate it? What emoji best correlates?
How would you like to feel about your financial wellness in 6 months? A year out? 5-10 years from now?
Where do you believe most of your money is spent? Does this differ from where you'd like it to be spent?
In what ways is your current financial story limiting you, either in the stories you tell yourself, or the details of your finances? In what ways is it empowering you?
Where and how can you find inspiration for your financial wellness journey? What tools, steps, and ideas do you have?
One thing that is important to remember is that while these stories may seem real, not all of these stories are true. And you get to choose how money shows up in your life, and how much space it is given in terms of your overall wellness. The honest truth is that sometimes financial security requires trade-offs with other areas of health. It's about finding an imperfect balance between financial security and other wellness priorities - a balance that works for your unique life and season.
Your Financial Health Check-Up
Once you've taken time to explore your relationship with money, the next step is to get to know your finances on a slightly deeper level through a simple wellness audit. A personal budget audit allows you to explore what you are actually spending money on, document what you'd like to be spending your money on, and make plans to get to a place where your finances feel comfortable.
When you're ready, make sure you gather all the financial statements you have, and perhaps take a moment to think through what those are. These statements could include checking, savings, 401k, credit cards, personal loans, student loans, mortgages, car loans, stocks, IRAs, and other documents. And have either a pen and paper, spreadsheet, or some notetaking tool to document the process.
Reference the Creating Safety section above for tips on bringing calm into this activity.
Now it's time to document the following:
What is your monthly take-home income? If it helps, feel free to also document what taxes, insurance, and other items are deducted.
What are all your fixed monthly expenses and what are they for?
How much are you spending on groceries each month versus take-out or meal-kits/home delivery?
Account for other expenses such as transportation, medical, subscriptions, wellness, entertainment, coffee runs, and other activities.
Are there any occasional expenses that are paid on a less frequent basis, such as vehicle insurance or annual payments?
How much is going to a savings, 401k, or other savings-related accounts each month?
In an ideal world, how much of your income would you like to be putting into savings each month?
Is there anything else you'd like to change or shift about incoming or outgoing funds?
Do any ideas come to mind on adjustments you can make to allow for those?
What insights have you gained from this activity? Do you notice any shift in how you felt at the beginning compared to how you feel at completion?
Building Your Money Friendship
If you've completed the activities above, hopefully you've gained not only a better understanding of where you are financially, but have had time to explore where you'd like to be, what stories you've told yourself, and where they come from, and are inspired to get a little more intimate by creating a simple budget.
Budgets can feel intimidating, and there are countless approaches to choose from. You might prefer to delegate this task to an accountant or budgeting app – many banks now include simple budgeting features right in their account dashboards. Personally, I've even found success with a simple spreadsheet budget that I maintain. I can check in with it weekly to stay on track and anticipate any unplanned expenses, like repairs. These regular touchpoints help me feel more grounded and confident in my financial decisions.
Gentle Reminder
We're aiming for an imperfect budget that you'll actually use, not a perfect one that sits untouched in a drawer. Your budget should feel like a supportive friend, not a harsh taskmaster.
If you'd like to explore creating a simple budget yourself, here are some tips to get you started:
Start small - don't get too complicated at first and risk being too intimidated or complex to come back to repeatedly.
Explore templates in your spreadsheet software of choice - many of these are perfect for starting out and can be tailored to fit you easily.
Use the financial wellness audit referenced above to help with the monthly budget for different categories such as living costs (housing, utilities, etc), transportation, subscriptions, groceries, entertainment, etc.
Think about leaving room for miscellaneous and emergency/unplanned expenses.
If you have a goal of putting aside a certain amount every month, add that as a category.
Have a place for the category, budget amount for that category, and to tally the actual amount.
Try to update this budget weekly and build a habit - I have a repeat task weekly to make time.
Money Talks That Don't Suck
While it's one thing to come to a place of security and understanding of your own personal finances, having honest and helpful conversations about money with others can add another layer of anxiety and stress to the topic. These conversations can be between yourself and your partner or spouse or even between you and your financial advisor.
Regardless, they can be awkward. I've personally had moments where I didn't want to be transparent about my financial situation, even with professionals that were there to help me.
In a 2015 article published by the American Psychological Association, it's noted that not only are financial concerns among the most common types of disagreements for couples, but this topic tends to lead to more intense and problematic arguments. And while this article is slightly dated, I believe it still has relevance.
These disagreements can come from having differing relationships with money and finances, perhaps rooted in familial patterns. Sometimes they arise due to tension over what to do with the money that is coming into the household. Or perhaps each person has different goals for the future or one or both have fear and trauma associated with finances.
Some tips for healthy financial discussions with your partner:
Understand where the other person is coming from - what are their stories and relationship with money and finances? What was it like for them growing up? What was their relationship with money like before you made these decisions jointly?
Identify specific topics beforehand. Do you want to explore how to finance a vacation? Early retirement? Perhaps just align on joint finances and budgeting?
Set the scene up for success - Consider a public space to help limit loud voices and outbursts. Think about a time of day where both of you are feeling refreshed and ready. Perhaps even set a time limit.
The Ripple Effect: When Money and Wellness Work Together
Financial wellness isn't separate from your health - it's intricately connected. When you stop avoiding your finances and start approaching them with curiosity and care, something beautiful happens. The energy you were spending on financial anxiety gets freed up for creativity, relationships, and joy.
I've seen this transformation in my own life and in the lives of my clients. When you're not constantly worried about money, or at least aren’t blind to your financial wellness, you make better decisions in other areas. You sleep better. You're more present in relationships. You have the mental space to pursue goals that matter to you. Your physical health improves when you're not carrying the chronic stress of financial anxiety.
This is why I believe financial wellness can't be separated from whole-life wellness. In my coaching practice, The Perfectly Imperfect Wellness Method, I see how addressing money fears often unlocks breakthroughs in other areas - better sleep, stronger relationships, and getting to the root of what success and joy actually look like.
The beautiful truth is that finding your personal balance point between financial security and other wellness priorities doesn't require perfection. It requires awareness, gentle action, and the courage to keep showing up for yourself in small, consistent ways.
Your financial story is still being written. Every small step you take toward financial awareness and peace is an act of self-care. Whether it's that first brave look at your bank account or your first honest money conversation with your partner, you're building a foundation for a life where money supports your wellbeing rather than undermining it.
Getting cozy with your finances isn't about becoming best friends with money overnight. It's about creating a relationship that feels sustainable, honest, and aligned with your values. It's about transforming money from a source of anxiety into a tool for creating the life you want.
Ready to explore how financial wellness connects to every other area of your life? I'd love to support you in creating your own perfectly imperfect approach to money and wellness. Because when you embrace your financial story with gentleness and curiosity, everything else starts to shift too.
