Dear Person That Just Wants to Help

Dear Person That “Just Wants to Help,”

I noticed you pop up the other day on my social media comments when I was venting about how slow recovery can be and how annoying it is.

I wasn’t asking for advice, but you decided to mention anyway that I should be grateful I am here and alive.

I wanted to let you know that I am ignoring your comment, and that I find it inconsiderate. My recovery is my recovery. And my feelings are my feelings.

I wish you had shown some empathy instead, or said nothing at all.

Dear Person That “Just Wants to Help,”

You heard me mention the various medications I am on due to my cancer and related secondary issues from treatment.

I wasn’t asking for your advice, but you decided to mention anyway that I shouldn’t need any medications. You told me that your doctor told you that.

I wanted to let you know that I am ignoring your comment, and that I find it hurtful. I’ve discussed different options at length with my own medical team, and we are not in the same situation. Care is individualistic.

I wish you had shown some empathy instead, or said nothing at all.

Dear Person That “Just Wants to Help,”

You’ve seen my social media posts about the food journey I’ve been on. The beautifully plated dishes and the snacks I love.

I wasn’t asking for your advice, but you decided to mention that I should be eating all plant-based foods, that I eat too much, and that I really need to start on the fashion diet you’ve been on.

I wanted to let you know that I’m ignoring your comment, and that I find it biased and full of wellness myths that only bring us down. I work really hard to keep myself healthy, and my diet is a discussion between myself and my care team. I’ll have ice cream if I want to.

I wish you had shown some empathy instead, or said nothing at all.

Dear Person That “Just Wants to Help,”

You saw photos of me masking along with talking about how I cannot wait until it is safer for me to go on adventures again.

I wasn’t asking for advice, but you decided to mention that I should just accept that I’m going to get sick sooner or later and that I’m only hurting myself.

I wanted to let you know that I’m ignoring your comment, and I find it offensive and harmful to those with immunocompromised systems or who are thinking of others who are before they act. My mask doesn’t harm you, and neither do my decisions on which activities I partake in. My mask is to protect myself and to protect others with weakened systems.

I wish you had shown some empathy instead, or said nothing at all.

Dear Person That “Just Wants to Help,”

If you truly want to help, please only offer advice when it is solicited and welcomed.

If you truly want to help, please offer actionable support instead of asking me to do the legwork of thinking of what you can do.

If you truly want to help, understand that my body is not the same as yours. The nutrition plans, medications, exercise routines, sleep practices, and other items you subscribe to may not be what works for me. And that is okay.